When I was in high school I went and saw the movie Fried
Green Tomatoes with my ultra cool Aunt.
Its what we did, we saw lots of movies, and most of the time we laughed
so hard we probably missed half of what we watched. This was one of my favorites. When she has the infamous parking lot scene I couldn’t
imagine that really happening.
Until today. Today I had that
moment. It’s amazing me to me that
people today will insert themselves into any situation with all their
knowledge, input, and criticisms.
Everyone has an opinion.
Well, you know what they say about opinions.
Sometimes we just find ourselves having a stressful
time. The Dark Twisty Place Meredith
is always in. I don’t have my Yang
here to do the 30-second dance party with so I find myself moping. And I cleaned out the fridge this
weekend and there was nothing in a box with spout for me so the struggle was
real, YO!!! I actually thought I
was getting out early this morning and was doing decent. Here in the world of the Navy we play
the National Anthem every morning precisely at 8:00 am on the dot. Every day. Even Sunday, probably so the Lord can be patriotic too. One comes to a complete stop when
out doors and you salute or put your hand over the heart and do your patriotic
thing. If driving, you stop and
put the hazards on; you don’t have to salute inside the car. No need to get crazy with your
patriotism
This morning I was in my own world. I had thoughts of what my day would
hold, how much more could I add to Baby Girl’s school poster board project just
so I can hear Jesse say…quit dreaming up shit for me to do. I was thinking about how I can’t wait
to get out of Little Mexico and also crying profusely about my twisty
place. I spilled my drink down the
front of my dress and all I could think of was my mom was right, sex is bad, and
kids will kill you! Well during
the blubbering and hating life I completely tune out that the Patriotism is
happening. As I pull out onto the
street I see off to the side the soccer mom van with a arm being flung out and
some scary lady screaming and pointing.
I’m half way down the street before it dawns on me that I’ve committed
the cardinal sin so I stop, still crying.
Only now my crying has turned to….Oh no she didn’t, not today, not
today!!
So as soon as the brave had went home I rolled my window
down, thru that pony in reverse backed all the way up to block her in and then
commenced to let her know CAV wife style exactly what I thought about her and
her soccer mom mobile as I cursed her, her kids, her kids that haven’t been
born yet, cursed her husband, cursed the day she’d put on a set of anchors she
didn’t earn and her finger! And
then I cried again. All I
could think of when I drove off was that I hoped that Kathy Bates would be
proud of me and I need pancakes but I’m fat cause I went to back to gluten
because gluten tastes so good and how am I going to fix pancakes at work and
there’s no McDonalds here to get pancakes, and this is why I’m fat and I hate
it here!!!! Sometimes my
depression has multiple personalities of its own. Don’t Judge Me.
As mothers we are faced with the world on our
shoulders. No one tells you when
you have kids how hard it’s going to be.
All we talk about is their sweet little sleeping faces and how good they
smell. No one tells you that they
go from sweet kids for about 4 years in between the terrible 2’s, 3’s and 4’s
sometimes a 5 then you hit 12. Not
quite a teen, not really a kid, pretty sure Satan has managed to reinvent
himself into your child. That sweet smile is gone and demon spawn
has taken over. Moody Judy in the
form of teenager. My mom always
said, you reap what you sow, you’re gonna have a kid that turns out just like
you. I’m sorry Mom.
According to the Cosby Show I’m supposed to be able to
settle all my family disputes with witty one-liners and within 30 minutes. Just enough time to roofie the
husband! Bill wouldn’t let
me down? Even Elyse Keaton could
talk to Alex in her hippie Berkeley ways and help him through a problem, then
he’d kiss his Regan poster good night and we all felt good about solving
another family problem. I’m
starting to think I watched too much TV as a kid. Ok, maybe I still do, but come on, reality TV is REAL! My kids are plotting how to get me in
the home. I haven’t managed to get
my own mom in the home, and I’m pretty sure my kids have a leg up on me. Little do they know, I’m one step
ahead of them, I’m faking Alzheimer’s and spending all my money so at least I
have to have a real home to live in and will be just crazy enough to mess with
them and watch them suffer. It’s
really quite brilliant, and by the time I’m living with them, I’ll be able to
mold their kids. Payback is a
comin sport!
I think as women we have a right to snap sometimes. To just let the crazy out. I mean, when we carry this much genetic
DNA that predisposes us to this many emotions I think we’re actually doing the
rest of the world a service. Can
you imagine if we kept that all bottled up? And maybe those short bursts are what keeps everything
in sync. Think of it this way, so
we have a little outburst and line up your entire liquor collection from your
fancy bar and then hit it with your brand new Driver and send glass all over
the driveway….I didn’t hit you with my Driver!! Ok, honey, I put sour cream in
the mashed potatoes once, did I poison you, like kill you? No, see, I obviously still have some
love for you.
What I’ve learned today is that its hard to be a woman, its
harder to take the high road. But
sometimes you have the best friends who will let you have your crazy and then
show up and leave you rewards of wine and cookies to show their support and
silently say…we feel you sister!
