There are few things in this life that I devote hours upon
hours upon hours that I can’t get back.
TV. If there were a self-help
group for people who watch ridiculous amounts of TV I would be a lifetime
member. Everything I do is
literally planned around my TV shows and meals. I am the real life Peggy Bundy. There are people in this world that can boast all kinds of
great attributes and talents. My
talent is that I can tell you in great depths about every single episode and
the music that was featured in every single episode of Miami Vice. I also can tell you the fictional
address of the house that Roseanne lived at in Lanford, Illinois. What can I say I have a
gift.
Right now I’m in limbo in this crazy thing called life so
I’ve had some extra unwanted time on my hands during our transition, and with
the Summer here, I’ve found myself wrapped in my new TV toy the ROKU
stick. I’ve discovered a whole new
level of TV watching I didn’t know was possible. Not only can I watch series’ that I missed out on and
wanted to catch up I can also take a trip to the way back…circa 1992 and
started watching Melrose Place again!
Because that’s what I needed in my own life…more cray cray. I do miss those 1997 Ally McBeal
skirts and pastel suits though!
My possibilities are endless on this little stick. I even have a channel dedicated
Lifetime Movies…for those times when you’re not depressed enough and the Xanax
hasn’t quite kicked in yet.
But a few days ago while I was in the middle of Kimberly
blowing up the apartment complex at Melrose Place and planning my Nordstrom
Sale shopping cart online this new phenomenon was sweeping my Facebook feed. Pokémon GO. What is a Pokémon GO? Well the first thing I did was download
it. That was the worst thing
I could have done.
I’ve been playing the Pokémon GO since last week and I
can’t tell you what one is as I never played or watched this as a kid. I’m sure there’s some unwritten rule in
the world of geekdom that is chanting SHAME, SHAME, SHAME right now, but it is
what it is. I liked going to the mall, boys and madonna videos when I was a kid, not a red and white Japanese ball that eats
critters. But look at me now, I’ve
found myself chasing these little boogers everywhere. I’ve become addicted to the Pokémon!
I have found myself sneaking out in the middle of the
afternoon to drive all over the city to look for Pokestops to get my eggs to
hatch the Pokes. I’m sure all my
lingo here is wrong but bare with me.
During dinner tonight we ate at an actual Pokestop. So every ten minutes I was spinning my
big neon blue wheel to get Pokeballs and potions and eggs!!! At one point the man actually yelled
across the table….DEANA RAE! Now
normally that would be about the time I might throw beer cheese on him but I
realized, that this whole Poke phenomenon had sucked me. Was I too deep? I joined the local PokeGO Facebook
group. I realized, I’m not
alone. There are people out there
way more dedicated than I am that have Pokémon hunting expeditions. Who knew??? AND then the mother of all ads popped up, on a
military spouse page of all areas…..the dependa have found new ways to make ends
meet. They will actually
drive you around and be your chauffeur to hunt the Pokémon! OH, you have to go to work, no
problem, for a $100 a nice lady in Missouri will take your phone and drive
around all day and catch the Pokémon, she even promises that she knows where
all the rare sightings are and can “guarantee” you she’ll get those. Seems legit. Maybe I should rethink my career
options! And here I thought Uber
driver was my ticket to get rich quick!
It wasn’t bad enough that I drug myself and my 3 kids into
this world. Yes, I may have lured
them out in the town (cause they HATE town) with the impression that we were
going to get Ice Cream, all along we drove to the Jehovah Witness Temple so
that I could claim my four balls and potions! Oddly enough, churches seem to be the hub for
Pokestops just in case you’re out there being crazy with me. They were all into it for about
15 minutes until their spidey senses picked up that we weren’t driving anywhere
near where the coveted ice cream is!
THE ONE TIME you need them to not be observant of anything going around
them, they pick this day! I also
decided, along with a co-conspirator who will remain nameless, that my husband
needed to join in the fun. Because
you see, at some point I may need him to “transfer” his loot to me!!! All along he had publicly shamed
me on my new addiction but my instincts told me I would eventually get him on
board. Eventually my
constant demeaning and refusal to ever cook him anything that didn’t contain
sour cream or mayonnaise won. He’s
on board. I’ve reeled him in. Welcome to the club, darlin….We’re
going to have so much fun!
Now that the whole family is on board and we’re all out
looking like maniacs walking through the neighbor’s yard and stalking the local
churches at least 10 times a day the real fun can begin. As long as my daughter doesn’t take my
phone and burn through all 83 of my Pokeballs on one rattata again, we will all
be just fine. There really
is nothing more pitiful than a grown woman on the verge of tears because all of
her Pokeballs are gone. I bet
there’s a self-help group out there for people like me. Lord knows, we don’t need to
relive the great Mafia Wars and Farmtown incident of 2009!
Pretty soon the kids will be going back to school and the
man will be in his routine knitting that blanket of freedom and I’ll be able to
start the three new TV series I
have loaded up in my ROKU and will be able to go roam the city all willy nilly
by myself hunting these wiley critters! So to that I say…Game on Fellow Nerds!
